“I’M DROPPING THE TRUNKS, BROTHER”: HULK HOGAN GOES FULL FRONTAL WITH R-RATED ONLYFANS LAUNCH

In the most shocking twist since the NWO invasion, Hulk Hogan has tossed aside the bandana, the mustache wax, and any remaining sense of modesty—officially announcing the launch of a fully nude, R-rated OnlyFans page.

“I got bills to pay, brother,” Hogan said in a jaw-dropping Instagram Live while lighting a cigar in a bathrobe embroidered with HH. “The merch ain't movin’ like it used to, the alimony's still runnin', and the vitamins don’t sell themselves. So I’m givin’ the people what they’ve secretly wanted since 1985—Hulkamania in the raw.”

The account, aptly titled @RealAmericanUncut, promises full-frontal content, behind-the-curtain “bedroom promos,” and even a series of photoshoots themed after iconic wrestling moments—with no trunks in sight.

Among the subscription perks:

• “Nude World Order” photo sets featuring leather, chains, and way too much baby oil

• “24-Inch Python Uncensored” – a weekly workout vlog where the only thing flexing isn’t his biceps

• “Backstage Pass” – intimate stories and reenactments from the golden days of wrestling debauchery

• “Brother After Dark” – live Q&A sessions done in the nude, candlelit and filled with sultry storytelling

While the move has sparked equal parts laughter, horror, and curiosity, Hogan isn’t backing down. “You’ve seen the tights, you’ve seen the rip-away shirts. Now it’s time to see what’s been hiding behind the ‘Hulk Rules’ for all these years. And let me tell you something, Mean Gene—it’s still running wild.”

Industry analysts report the account made six figures in subscriptions within the first 24 hours. Hogan's team is even in talks for a nude calendar and potential collabs with fellow wrestling legends who are “ready to let it all hang out.”

As Twitter imploded with reactions ranging from “my childhood is in shambles” to “he’s still got it, no lie,” Hogan had one final message for the skeptics:

“If you’ve ever said your prayers, eaten your vitamins, and wondered what the Hulkster's packing under those yellow tights… now’s your chance to find out.”

Let it be known: Hulkamania lives on. But now? It’s NSFW.